A while ago I decided that 2010 was going to be MY year. I was tired of having what I needed or wanted being on the back burner pretty much in all cases and in every way.
Of course, when you have small kids, that is pretty much how it has to be, right? The kids come first, and making them the best they can be is priority numero uno. I don’t have a problem with that, really – my kids do come first, and I cannot imagine a scenario where I wouldn’t give up my life for either of them, without a second thought. My husband and I have been fairly equal in our relationship over the past 20 years, neither of us really stepping on the other one too much. That doesn’t sound too utterly wonderful though, does it! Don’t get me wrong; we love each other, have a strong bond, and a history that cannot be denied. We have had some wonderful experiences together. Has it changed since the early uber passionate days of yore tho? Sure. We’re not the same people we were back then. We’ve earned many a silver (me) or white (him) hair along the way, and developed some pretty deep laugh lines too! But yes, things have changed.
If I were a man, people would be nodding and whispering “Midlife Crisis” behind my back, fully expecting me to run out and purchase a cherry red sports car and start leering at young chippies on the street. But I’m not. A man, I mean. And chippies don’t do much for me either ;)
I don’t like the term “Midlife Crisis”. While whats happening is definitely at “mid life”, I’m not so much in crisis as I am unsatisfied with the way I’m living my life. I don’t want to do this for another 43 years. To that end, a few months ago I decided that 2010 was the year I’d reinvent myself. Jenn v2.0 is in full development.
Guess what? You’ve been along for the ride without even knowing it! Remember when I had my eyes done? That was Step One. Unfortunately, I’ve come to the conclusion 2 months later that I made a huge, life-altering mistake with that, since I still can’t see worth a damn, and what I could see before (close up, like… working on the computer and doing anything tiny) I can’t see now. I have my 2 month appointment with Lasik MD next week, and boy are they going to get an earful.
I digress.
My group came about long before I made the declaration of this being “my year”, but in some ways they have been the catalyst for change. I never expected to fall in love with the three of them, or have their presence in my life make such a dramatic difference. That this happened certainly has changed things, and it has changed me. I’m a better person because of them, and a much, much happier one. I owe them big time.
Realizing I was in a rut, I’ve made some decisions. I’ve changed my style, I’ve changed my hair, and I’ve changed my attitude. I’m working very hard on getting healthier. I’ve come out of hibernation. I was vibrant and exciting once, and come hell or high water, I will be again.
Priorities need to change. Purging needs to occur. Out with the old, in with the new. There are many things left to be done before v2.0 is a done-deal, but I feel that I’m on the right path. Things that include reconnecting with the Hubby as we begin the second half of our lives, and setting the kids on their own proper path as well. The Teen has been reinventing herself too, as Teens are wont to do. She’s a great kid all told, and the things that need work will fall into line as she comes to realize how important they are for her future. Wee One will have lots of experience to draw on as she follows her own path as well, and I have no worries where she is concerned. In a way, Jenn v2.0 is dragging my family and friends along whether they know it or not. Things are changing.
This sounds like a wrap-up to something, doesn’t it?! I don’t mean for it to be though, unless you count my old life, living in the rut. That chapter is definitely done.
We’re setting off on an adventure; you and I. Like all great adventures, it has no set destination, no worn path, and there are no rules. Well, perhaps one. I will be true to myself.
Stick around; could be a wild ride…
I recently read a quote that might apply here. I know it spoke to me as I’m in my version of “mid-mid-life.”
“Action expresses priorities.” -Mohandas Gandhi
It’s not just about what we say, but what we do.
Do well! Do decisively! Do joyfully!
I love it; that’s it exactly :) Thanks for sharing that with me!
Sounds like you have your head on straight and your priorities right.
You go, girl!
Cheers!
JzB
.-= jazzbumpa´s last blog ..Sunday Music Blogging =-.
Just a few days ago I told someone else that growing old and growing boring are two unrelated events. Go for the gusto! You’ve only got one life. Enjoy it!
.-= quilly´s last blog ..I Am Home! =-.
Buckle Up Baby and enjoy the ride!!!!! I thoroughly love this post. :)
.-= Thom´s last blog ..What’s Your Canadian Name? and Lost Dog – Please Help! =-.
PS…ya look awesome too :)
.-= Thom´s last blog ..What’s Your Canadian Name? and Lost Dog – Please Help! =-.
Awwww you’re a sweetie. Thanks :)
Anytime :) MWAH OBO. Oh my gosh I just had to get one last one in :) LOL ::)
.-= Thom´s last blog ..What’s Your Canadian Name? and Lost Dog – Please Help! =-.
I totally know what you are talking about. I´m glad you are taking action and are getting out of the “rut”. In some ways I feel like I´m in a rut too, but don´t quite know how to change it. I always feel like something is holding me back.
It takes guts to change and you sound like you´ll succeed! I´m glad you have such a great group of friends who are at your side!
.-= Betty´s last blog ..Six Word Saturday =-.
It takes a lot of courage to decide to change. I admire you for doing it. My husband and I are sort of in a similar place. The reality of my daughter graduating High School in June and going off to college in September has been both exciting, and sobering at the same time. At least, unlike some other couples we know, we are still each other’s best friend and never let being parents override being a couple. But still kinda scary!
.-= RiA´s last blog ..Waiting – impatiently for warmth =-.
Yes, it’s your year hon :) You’ve certainly inspired the rest of us to change up our lives too; thanks for that! Glad I can be along for the ride!
Ok, so I can’t offer you advice or anything amazing, because I admit I am going through my own reinvention right now. I am sorry your eye surgery didn’t work out as planned, that truly sucks. I can say I will pray and cheer for you along the way!!
this reads like one of my entries in my journal. welcome to the club, jenn! it is indeed up to us to redeem our lives. i was in a rut for far too long, stuck in a job that i couldn’t leave because of debt of gratitude, felt that there was more to life than being afraid of what people’s opinion (of me) might be, felt that i could be good to myself and a good mom at the same time. i may have lost my husband but i still have my 3 kids who depend on me and love me unconditionally.
go sing “it’s my life” (bon jovi… seriously!) from the bottom of your heart (with feelings, ok?) and i’m sure you will feel much better and more empowered on the changes you have decided to embrace.
“it’s my life
it’s now or never
’cause i ain’t gonna live forever
i just wanna live while i’m alive
(it’s my life!)
my heart is like an open highway
like frankie said “i did it my way”
i just wanna live while i’m alive
’cause it’s my life!”
let’s take the best ride of our lives, jenn! this time though, we are now in control. :)
blessings to you,
bing
.-= PinkLady´s last blog ..A Poem From My Old Journal =-.
Jenn: Congrats on your commitment to yourself, what you intend to do, and the approach. And thanks for bringing us along for the ride. If we can help, Jenn, you need only give us a hint, let us know, poke us to get our attention ;), or (you love us after all!), just ASK!!! Bon voyage!!!
I love your resolve (paraphrased) “… no rules but …that you will be true to yourself”. Emerson once said “Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” And I love what Pink Lady wrote regarding “My Life”.
About your statement regarding the ‘equality of your relationship with your husband (etc)’ …not being utterly wonderful’. Boy I disagree with that (considering the love and devotion that you have for each other)… I think it’s absolutely wonderful after 20 years.
Whatever life-road you take we’re always there to assist..
Good luck on your adventure thru life. I think I’m having a blogging midlife crisis…but have just about figured everything out.
.-= Melissa B.´s last blog ..Yup, We’re All Hokies…for Leslie =-.
My dearest Jenn,
I have read your post three times and honestly I am so happy for you.I am very humbled that you have taken us along for the ride and I , for one, am very appreciative of your honesty and commitment to yourself and your quest for betterment.
I went through my phases a couple of times in my life.Once when I came to USA as an exchange student. Then as the ONE who is the bread winner when my late Dad was sick then died. Thinking married with two kids just needed fine tuning but after 12 years,there are just too many BASIC STUFFS that are just not working and I have become someone even I do not recognize. I totally hibernate, I needed to, to stay sane.
I am so sorry about your lasik but then I do not know you well enough to warn you. I have yet to meet someone who had a totally successful one , yet.
I am glad you have found your new band which is fulfilling to you.THAT however does not mean that your marriage needs ANYTHING EXTRA. Two very separate matters.
I used to be like that. Linking everything up but no longer. Now, I tackled each issue the respect, time and honesty they needed. It helped a lot when I decided to stop working and be a stay at home mom.
You are such a blessed person. Do not make too much changes with high expectations.It will only make you feel upset , dissatisfied and in a rut again. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, JUST BE FAIR TO YOURSELF.
You look great! I used to color my hair… like 4 times a year.. like the seasons. LOL
You will be in my prayers.
hugs
shakira
Thanks everyone :) I’m in a good place with myself right now, despite the issue with my eyes. I’m still hoping that in time that too will end well, but so far it’s only been a nightmare.
In all seriousness though; with the people I have at my side, physically and through my blog, how can I do anything but succeed? I am extremely fortunate to have the extraordinary people in my life that I do, and I’m well aware of it.
I also didn’t mean to make my marriage sound negative, because it’s not! Every relationship has its ups and downs, and we’re always changing and evolving. Sometimes without realizing it, you come to a place in the road that has a few more curves than you remember. That’s all it is, and the only thing I need to do is spend the time on it – on him – that is deserved. Reconnect. Take a new direction.
Priorities, right?
Well stated!! I love it! You have left me feeling inspired!!! :)
looks like we are roughly the same age – and I declared earlier this year that this would be my breakout year too, hence the new hobbies – I’m going out a limb to try some new things to try and cure my doldrums….I’ll be enjoying following your ‘ride’ as well!!
.-= carma´s last blog ..Study Says I Shoud Be Successful and Agressive! How ’bout You? =-.
I can so relate…and I am a man but am not looking for a red sports car….. just happiness.