You know, it’s been a pretty rough week. Monday was emotional, Tuesday somewhat less so. Wednesday was ridiculous (and the reason I was late visiting my haiku buddies!) I felt very close to the breaking point on more than one occasion, and yet the lousy stuff just kept getting piled on. Turns out I was able to handle it. Go figure. Really though? SO VERY tired of the drama. I’m sure my friends are even more so. More and more I feel like that “high maintenance” friend that sucks the energy out of you and you would just rather avoid. I apologize (you know who you are), and thank them for their love and patience.

I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I think I will. I think it needs to be aired. On Wednesday I had a lunch meeting with 2 lovely ladies from a group I belong to. It was all very mysteriously put together, but I didn’t think much of it. I’m involved in many things, and often get pulled into others that I didn’t intend to. They did tell me the subject was an event we’d participated in a few months back, but nothing more.

So I show up to this meeting, and they both look at me, and start apologizing all over themselves for what they were about to share with me. Oh boy… alarm bells.

As it turns out, I was accused of racist behaviour at this event I was involved in. Yes, ME.

I just about augured myself into the ceiling, I was so angry. Anyone, and I mean anyone who knows me knows that I am not racist. If I don’t like someone, it is because I don’t agree with something they have said or done. Period. I don’t look at people and judge them by their skin colour or religion. I don’t allow that kind of disgusting behaviour in my house, and my kids have been raised all along knowing what is acceptable, and what isn’t.

Both women, who I have known for years, hugged me and assured me that they didn’t believe a word of it, but they were obligated to tell me about it, and discuss it with me. They both said they hoped that I wouldn’t leave over this, and that I was a very valued member of the group. They didn’t need to worry about it. This was a personal attack against me, and had nothing to do with the group. There’s an agenda there, but damned if I can figure out what it is.

This accusation is all the more hurtful because the person who was involved in making it is someone I’ve been a big supporter of for years. Big. I’ve gone out of my way on many occasions to support his business, defend him when faced with criticism, and offer my help in any way I could. I believed in what he was doing, and how good he was for the community. I always believed he was a good man. Unfortunately he’s also, as I come to find out, a spineless coward. Not only did he know how to reach me (I’m on his blackberry, and his sister has my contact info also) but he’s known me for a while, and has to know I’d never do what I was accused of. No, instead of coming directly to me to ask about it, he chose to go to my group.

What I believe is that he’s being manipulated, and doesn’t have the cojones spine to stand up to his puppet master. Some time ago he became friends with someone I’ve heard is a celebrity in the world of wrestling. I’d never heard of him before, but I guess if you’re in to wrestling, he was something of a big deal. I know he was thrilled that they became such good buddies, since he had idolized him as a sports figure. Unfortunately, I believe this sports figure found in this very smitten-with-celebrity man someone he could control and manipulate to ingratiate himself into the community, and it’s him that is behind the baseless accusations. It’s all very pointless and ridiculous. And deliberate.

The accusations made were vague, contained no specific information (which they couldn’t since it never happened), and seemed to be designed to embarrass me.

Well, I’m not embarrassed, folks. I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m angry.

You see, I’m not worried about how I’m perceived. The people in the group in question know me well. They know the kind of person I am, and how hard I work. They know – all of them – that I am approachable, and easy to get along with. Most of all, (given that we’re all of various ethnic backgrounds, and very friendly with one another) they know I’m not racist. I’m proud of the work that I do, the friends that I have, and the way I’ve raised my children. My family has nothing to hide. There is no poisonous undercurrent of racial hatred running through our veins.

That they have an agenda is, frankly, irrelevant. I doubt I’ll get a response to the call I put in to my former friend yesterday, and that speaks only to his spineless character, not to mine. At least he now knows where I stand, and that I won’t allow him to further besmirch my character. I am secure and happy knowing that I am accepted (in some cases even loved, I’ve been told) and supported by my peers.

My readers too know the sort of person I am. Through my blog and in my offline life I have made friends all over the world, and of just about any ethnic background I can imagine. You’re all a great part of my life, and I value each and every one of you.

Today is a better day. I haven’t got all the answers I’m seeking, but I certainly don’t need them to move on with my life, secure in the knowledge that I’m OK.