…Like your world was coming apart at the seams?
This isn’t a S.A.D. thing – that time of year is starting to fade now. This is a circumstances thing, and it’s breaking my heart into tiny pieces.
It’s funny. You work so hard to develop something, and suddenly you’re on top of the world. Day to day problems don’t seem so huge. Stresses are kept at bay. Happy times are made even brighter in the glow.
Then a single word (even though we saw it coming) and it comes crashing down. Slowly, but surely. What does that say about it as a whole? If something appears to be that good, how could a single person collapse it like a balloon? Is it, in fact, not reality at all? Was it a facade that created the euphoria? I really hate to even contemplate that. There’s no way it was superficial. It was solid. I hope it can be again. We have to want it to be. I know I do – I can’t even imagine not having it in my life, it has become that important to me. It doesn’t define me, but it certainly means more than I could have imagined it would when I entered into it.
I actually burst into tears in the bank yesterday. Completely freaked out our account manager, I’m afraid. I wasn’t too stable walking in, but thought I’d be ok… then got a text from ShaMoo and… well, it wasn’t pretty. I get splotchy when I cry, and it scares little children. Plus I felt like such an ass!
Don’t you just hate it when I talk in riddles? Sorry about that. I just can’t talk about it right now. Maybe after things are better. I know it will get better. I’m much better more stable than I was yesterday. Sounds like I need some time on Doc’s couch, doesn’t it?? She’d probably just kick my butt and tell me to get a grip, as I’m sure most of you are muttering under your breath at this point!
Anyway.
Hubby and I bought a new house last week :) That, at least, is happy news! It won’t be built until the end of the year (possibly beginning of next) but now I get to plan colours and upgrades and all that fun stuff. We’ve already decided to move a wall, and I’ve been pouring through kitchen designs for the past week. I have a huge white kitchen right now, and I don’t think I’ll go that route again. The kitchen will be somewhat smaller, too, so I’ve got to get rid of the excess.
Oh, and with any luck I’ll be meeting Jade next week!! She’ll be in Toronto on business and I’m hoping to be able to schedule some time with my lovely Scottish blog buddy.
Thinking happy thoughts…
