You know… that Blog?

What makes an ideal mate?

Written By: Jenn - May• 06•10

I could have also called this post “What do you find sexy” but with all the steamy haiku lately, I figured I would behave a bit. Well, where titles are concerned, anyway.

So I was on a bit of a drive today, dropping Sadie off to my friend Spendy for grooming, and found myself musing about a number of things. I do that when I’m driving. (I don’t take notes though… that would be bad.)

I got to thinking about how different we all seem to be in terms of what we find attractive and desirable, and what turns us off. ShaMoo and I have conversations like this sometimes… it’s a girlfriend thing I guess. For example, ShaMoo finds Daniel Craig very dreamy, where he doesn’t do anything at all for me.

Oh sure, I get that he’s attractive… sorta. He’s just not my kind of attractive.

Should we break it down? Ok! :)

What do I find attractive about him?

  • I like that he’s clean cut. Short hair is good. Long and shaggy is not.
  • He has broad shoulders.
  • Hands. He has nice, nice hands (google for some images, you’ll see what I mean).

What do I dislike?

  • His eyes are “cold”. There’s no warmth there – no laugh lines to speak of. No “crinkles”.
  • His “pretty, pouty” lips annoy me.
  • So do his ears.
  • He’s too “chiseled”.
  • He’s younger than me. Such a turn off. (Obviously I will never be a cougar.)

Ok, so we’ve picked apart poor Daniel (Sorry, Daniel, nothing personal), but didn’t really get into the root of all of this. I guess I should just talk about what *I* find attractive in a man. Then you can share with me what you find attractive in a significant other. K? K.

For me, it’s less about the whole package, and more about the bits and pieces. And no, I’m not talking about THOSE bits. Well, not on my blog anyway. This isn’t about sex. It’s about magnetism. Attraction. They’re not the same thing, and one does not always need to lead to the other.

I have a real thing about hands. I like a man with a good sized hand. I have long fingers and strong hands, and for whatever reason, it’s important to me that a man’s hand be bigger than mine. I like well formed, well proportioned fingers (not stubby, thanks. Yuck.) and short, clean nails. Hands that you can tell, right away, are capable of working hard, yet being gentle. Not super rough, but not silky smooth, either. Women should have silky smooth hands, not guys. You can tell so much about a man just by looking at and touching his hands.

Back up a bit though. Looking at the man from a few feet away, what do I notice first? Well, I used to think I preferred brunette’s, but since I also dated a couple blondes, a black haired chap, and 3 redheads (and then married one of those red heads), I’m guessing hair colour isn’t a priority for me. It does matter that the hair is short though, and kept that way.

I notice laugh lines. I love a man who laughs with his whole being. If laughter doesn’t reach the eyes… well, something in there isn’t right. A man’s eyes need to have a twinkle in them – and it helps big time if I’m the one that they’re twinkling for.

Not a fan of “swarthy”. Really really not a fan of slick. Greek, Italian – only where salad dressing is concerned, thanks. Give me that clean cut, fresh faced Irish (or Scottish) guy any time.

Oh, and beards? Nope. I don’t like the feel of them. Glasses? Depends on the guy, and how well they chose the frames! I’m not real partial to bald, but I guess it’d depend on the man attached to the scalp…

I prefer a pair of jeans that fit properly, which is so important. Baggy jeans are just ugly. Too-tight jeans make me cringe. It takes time to find a pair of jeans that don’t wear you (as opposed to you wearing them), but a man who can do that AND rock a suit when called for is my cup of tea. My, my, my.

I loooove to watch men work. I like to study how they move, how they approach a problem and solve it, and see the end result. Very sexy stuff.

You’ll notice I didn’t get too descriptive about physiques… turns out it matters less to me than I thought it did. Or at least my preferences have changed since I was a nubile young thing. Being tall myself, I prefer a man who is taller than me, naturally. A flat belly, huge biceps and chiseled abs? Not so much, no. In fact, body builders make me a little queasy. Really, someone who is fairly fit and not overhanging his belt too much is A-OK. Healthy! Yeah, that’s the word.

When you get right down to it, while the immediate physical impression is important, what goes on after that, and the kind of man he turns out to be is far more attractive. Or not.

My ideal man is someone who:

  • is capable of thinking on his feet.
  • has a firm, authoritative handshake.
  • has a really, really good sense of humour.
  • doesn’t panic, or react badly to stress.
  • is older than me in age, yet matches me in maturity. Whatever that means. ;)
  • knows how to listen, and by that I mean actually hear and understand.
  • can handle a bad situation with grace, and make good, solid decisions.
  • is good with children (and animals), whether they’re his or not.
  • is good with people, and interactions.
  • is adaptable, and ready for anything.
  • is capable of spontaneity.
  • is romantic without being smarmy or suffocating.
  • is chivalrous, and knows how to treat a lady.
  • knows what needs to be done, and actually does it without hesitation, and without complaining.
  • is capable of passion, and passionately capable.
  • has intelligence and good common sense.
  • takes pride in whatever job he’s doing, and won’t just settle for “good enough”.
  • can put himself in someone else’s shoes, and see things from their side.
  • can admit they were wrong, and own up to mistakes.
  • will stand up and fight for what he knows is right.

Does a man with all of these traits even exist? Well, I think if he does, he would be next to impossible to find. Certainly unrealistic to expect.

I married a man who has many of those traits, but not all. He can’t rock a suit, for example. He doesn’t react well to stress. At all. But he is very capable of knowing and doing what needs to be done, and rarely complains about it. He’s tall, and has broad shoulders. Nice hands that are used to hard work. He’s dependable, solid, and a really nice guy. And he loves me. After all, it’s been 20 years and we’re still together.

So the whole point of this was really just an exercise in how we perceive other people, and specifically how we’re attracted to them.

What makes you sit up and take notice, Reader?


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  1. Betty says:

    For me it´s the eyes. Definitely the eyes. :) Love laugh lines and if he has a sense of humor to go with them, I´m in love. :)
    .-= Betty´s last blog ..Random dozen #19 =-.

  2. shakira says:

    As you may know I am married twice.
    I do not ever think either of them are even good looking but to be fair , they are. especially my DH now and I agreed to marry him without ever meeting him , just via the internet!
    I am more attracted to ‘REALISTIC,RELIABLE, HONEST ,HUMOR,INTELLIGENCE, COMMON SENSE, COMPASSION,PERSEVERANCE, AMBITIONS, RESPONSIBLE, ROMANTIC’ I married one with such low expectations that he exceeded all my expectations and more. Strangely he is more like my late Dad but more stern with me? LOL
    You have a great day now, Jenn.

  3. PinkLady says:

    wow, you got a lot going on this post, jenn! i so agree about the eyes and the laugh lines around them. they speak of character and indicative of a sense of humor which is quite important to me. as long as you two can talk- really talk- and get to enjoy each conversation, i think that’s gonna see you through. good communication is the key to a successful relationship. :)
    .-= PinkLady´s last blog ..Wednesday Wickedness (Taylor Swift Quotes) =-.

  4. Thom says:

    I don’t know who the hell this guy is. All I know is I look for honesty, truthfulness and a sense of humor. That’s all that’s ever important to me. The rest all falls into place :)

    • Jenn says:

      haha! I don’t know who he is either, Thom ;) In retrospect of this, maybe a man without any faults at all would get to be boring. What do you think?

  5. carma says:

    You know how some people have the ability the minute you meet them to just put you at ease? Someone who seems to genuinely care about you and actually listens. That and someone with a playful sense of humor. I really didn’t think I’d find Daniel hot either – until I saw him in Bond and I think it was his attitude that made him hot. I like a guy who seems like he can handle any situation and protects the lady :-)
    .-= carma´s last blog ..C’Mon, Admit It =-.

  6. quilly says:

    Amoeba is an attractive man, but if I was picking a fellow for looks alone I probably would have passed him by. What a mistake that would have been. He is patient, kind, considerate, loving, gentle, tidy, helpful — all the best adjectives — and there is a light in his eyes when he looks at me that still makes butterflies flit in my stomach and melts my knees.
    .-= quilly´s last blog ..Here Comes the Sun =-.