My Darling Daughters,

Me again. Let’s talk about men.

Men: Wow, this is a huge subject, isn’t it? I’ve always found it easier to be around men than women, frankly. Men don’t suffer too many mood swings, get catty, or hold grudges. They react, and it’s done. You generally know where you stand with them! Men are great that way, don’t you think?

The men I’ve always gravitated to have been kind, genuine, funny, and smart. Well, like your Dad, I guess! There are all kinds of men out there, and if there’s anything I know, it’s this; Men don’t change. They (usually) evolve as they grow older, mellowing out a bit as they do. But change? Notsomuch. Trauma and earth-shattering events aside, a good man generally stays good. If a man is a jerk when you meet him, chances are he’s going to be as big a jerk 10 years down the road. Looks fade, but true character stands the test of time.

Girls, listen up; If a man is violent, no amount of anger-management classes is going to change his basic nature. Nature is what we’re talking about here, after all. We are hard-wired to be who we are. Let me be very clear about this, my sweethearts; if a man hits you once, you leave after taking a baseball bat to his knees. Leave, and don’t go back to him. If you even think he might hit you, hit the road. A man who gets violent with a woman is every bit as likely to get violent with a child. YOUR child – MY Grandchild! Don’t give anyone that chance.

If you do decide to get married – no pressure! – there are six key things you need to keep in your head even as you follow your heart:

1. If you’re not sure, then it’s not the right person. Yes, it is JUST that simple.

2. Things that you find “quirky” or slightly “irksome” now will drive you crazy later, trust me.

3. Does this potential spouse feel the same way about future kids as you do? Don’t expect that to change.

4. Does this person love you back? Respect you? Listen to you? Take your feelings into consideration? If “No” is the answer to even one of those, walk away.

5. Heated passion wears off once you’ve been together a while, so look past that now and try to really SEE the kind of person you’re considering as a mate.

6. If you can’t see yourself with them for the rest of your life, they’re not the right one. Life is short; too short to spend it with the wrong person.

You’ll notice I didn’t talk about money. I hope for your sake that you marry for love, and not for finances. Do well in school, get a good job, and let your finances be up to you. Chances are you’ll know to find someone who shares the same values when it comes to income and spending.  Be smart, and you’ll be fine.

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Love,
Mom

P.S. If it turns out that your perfect mate isn’t a man at all, that’s ok too. You’re my babies, and I love you no matter what. Dad feels the same way. Be happy!