It always happens to me around this time of year – my company is based on a contract that I got a few years back – I could tell you what I do, but then I’d have to kill you – and every year around this time when it comes to renew with my biggest ($$$$$) client, I get the jitters. I don’t sleep well, I start getting owly (ok, bitchy by any other name is still bitchy) and generally don’t feel like myself. This is how I deal with stress, apparently. Not maybe the healthiest way to do it, but it works for me. Ok, not really, but that’s how I roll.

This year I hired someone I probably shouldn’t have, and he really let me down. He was in a bad spot financially, and needed the work, plus he was bilingual, which was important for the task. I thought it was a match made in heaven, and was happy to hire him! I didn’t even squirm too much when I had to pay his internet because they cut him off for not paying his bills. I barely batted an eye when his Skype account bottomed out and I had to top it up for him. I knew his situation before I hired him. But… it took him 3x as long to do the job as was necessary, and that severely ticked off my client.

Because my client doesn’t know who I hire to do the work, they’re ticked off with me, naturally.

First of all, I pride myself on the quality of work that I provide, and second, this is my name we’re talking about. Your name and what you represent is everything, and now I feel tarnished. I don’t like that one bit. Oh, I take full responsibility for the whole thing. It was definitely my choice to hire him, and my choice to molly-coddle him for so long. My mistake, entirely. There will be no more of that though.

Can I give you some advice, fellow-I-just-fired? Don’t keep using the same line over and over as your excuse. If you were really in the hospital that many times, with that many dire ailments, we’d have buried you long ago. You were lazy, and I’m in the hot seat because of it. I know you’re still in a major financial crisis, but if you don’t seem to care… and clearly you don’t because you didn’t do the job when you were supposed to… why should I?

I sound a little testy, don’t I? Well, I am. Mostly though, I’m mad at myself. I’m usually smarter than that. I’ve been in this game a long time.

As Doodle Cakes said on her Facebook update this morning; “Today’s Mood brought to you by the letter B”. That about sums it up.