You know, I’m not the kind of blogger who likes to air every speck of dirty laundry for all the world to see. I don’t like to read a consistently whiny writer, one who dwells on nonsense (like reality TV and those creepy Kardashians; I still can’t figure out why they’re famous) or one who sugar-coats everything, to have you believe they’re tra-la-la happily tripping through life in some sort of Martha Stewart dream world. I fall into the “realistic” category I think, and share that which I think can safely be shared, without waving my skivvies at you. You don’t need to know every minute detail of my usually boring, normal life.

I guess if you’re still around though, you like at least some of what I have to say, and that I say it how I see it. I do speak the same way as I write, as those of you who know me outside of the blog can attest. This is me.

As I write this, you can probably already sense that I’m melancholy. I’m sad. Feeling a bit lost.

I’m not looking forward to Christmas, either, and traditionally it has always been my favourite time of year. The sounds, the smells, the excitement… Not this year. Why is that? I should be thrilled – my shopping is done, and it was the easiest year for that I’ve ever experienced! I’m done with holiday singing gigs (with my big group) too, so I can relax for the rest of the year, and recuperate! Still… I just don’t feel it.

Oh, things aren’t all bad, don’t get me wrong! My kids and husband are fine, and healthy. Hubby has a good job. We’re in good shape financially, for once. My parents are fine. We have some terrific friends, including some we met only recently. So much to be grateful for!

I do miss my grandmother, who we lost in June, just shy of her 100th birthday. I keep “seeing” her lately, in other elderly ladies, and in sounds and sights that remind me of her. It’s not a crushing sadness, since she hadn’t really been there for a long time… it’s a quiet kind of ache. Feeling the loss.

One big blow that happened this year was the non-reunion of my beloved group; Main Street. I finally have had to come to terms with the fact that the group simply is not going to get back together again, as much as I had hoped that it would happen.

ShaMoo moved on with someone else quite a while back, and we knew that was the end of her involvement. I wish her well, and I really am happy she has found something that fits her so well.

Walt has had so much on his plate with ailing parents and a busy, hectic personal and professional life that we never really expected him to return to us, although I think if the conditions were right, he would have collaborated on a project or two just to be with us again. He felt the “goodness” of the group too, even if he couldn’t commit to it. Still a friend, and still around, so it’s all good.

Most recently though was the real heartbreak; when John (J-B) told me – gently – that he doesn’t see Main Street in his future anymore. It was the final thrust of the knife, and while I knew in my head that it was coming, the crushing heartbreak of it was a real surprise to me. We had lunch a few days ago, and he told me why it has to be so. I can’t discuss his reasons, but I respect them, and can’t fight him on it. He’s right, and there’s no fighting that. He knows that I love him dearly, and all in all, I’m content to continue to have him in my life as a very dear friend. It’s enough to know that he feels the same. If nothing else, Main Street brought me an absolutely wonderful friend, and a heart full of memories that I’ll cherish forever.

For now I have to give myself time to mourn the demise of Main Street. I will put it together again one day – I’m keeping the name, the music, and the domains. I’ll find other voices to give it life once more… even though it won’t be the same. It never could be.

Moving on…

The Teen has had a rough year. She’s been waffling on her direction, and is feeling a lot of pressure to make “THE DECISION” on what path to take. It’s not an easy decision, but as I keep reminding her, she doesn’t need to decide the whole rest of her life just yet. She’s young – just 17 – and all she needs to do is decide on a general direction. A footpath. The thing about directions and decisions? You can change your mind. You can alter course. As long as you keep moving and exploring your options, it’s all good. Just do your best, and that is all anyone can expect of you. Of course, when you’re 17… everything is so much bigger than it really is. I’m confident she’ll find her way when the time is right.

Wee One has had a terrific year, in contrast. We found a fantastic tutor in the spring to help her with basic things that she has fallen behind on due to her anxiety, and through this wonderful woman, she has found herself. How wonderful to see her blossoming! And such a relief, I can’t even begin to tell you. It’s showing in everything that she does as her confidence in herself grows.

Hubby and I had a semi-rough year last year, but I’m happy that we have refocused ourselves, and our marriage has gotten stronger. Every couple goes through ups and downs, and we’re no different. We had our 20th anniversary on June 1st this year, celebrated on the beach in Cuba. It was a wonderful vacation, and we found something again that had been dormant for a while. A spark? Yes, that’s probably the best description. We have made a point of getting away together every so often, even for just a day or two, and in doing so, we’ve found our way again. He’s a good man, and I’m a very lucky lady to have him.

We bought a new house in February, which is not yet built. In fact, we were supposed to move into it 3 days ago, but we’ve been pushed back twice so far, and now we likely won’t be into it until August of 2012! It has not been a good experience, by any stretch. This will probably be the very last “new build” we ever purchase, because I have hated the entire process from the get-go. At this point I don’t even care if we move into it or not – I’d be just as happy to sell the damn thing and move somewhere else. The only saving grace is that it has already made us a considerable amount of money as the prices continue to climb. But still… grrrr.

Yep, even though it’s not yet over, I’m looking forward to getting this year into my rear-view mirror. 2012 is a fresh year, and full of promise!

In a post about looking forward, I have to look back a little bit.

Last year was possibly one of the best I’ve ever had. I had so many joys in my life, including and especially my group, Main Street. The joy the group – the people – gave me was beyond anything I’ve experienced before, although I’ve been involved in a few other groups in my day. Nothing compares to what we found together though. Our sound, our friendship. Amazing.

…things change. First we had a falling out with Knarf, which I won’t go into, but it caused a lot of damage. In retrospect I suppose it was this event that caused the rest of it to slowly fall apart. We stayed together, added accompanist Walt to our voices, and made it through the rest of the year. It wasn’t the same, but it was good. After Christmas though, Walt had to step back due to personal things he needed to attend to, and Main Street went into a sort of limbo. Through all of this, I really tried hard to keep things together, and look to getting back together with a new voice some time this year.

It wasn’t meant to be. Last week we finally agreed (me last, and very very reluctantly) that it was just not going to happen again for us, and Main Street was disbanded.

I won’t lie to you; this hurts like hell. I’m heartbroken. Even though I could see the writing on the wall… I tried so hard to believe we could make it. ShaMoo has moved on, and is doing well with another friend of ours who plays guitar, and I sincerely wish them both well. J-B and I still sing together in the big choir, and remain fast friends. This is the one saving grace in all of this mess; I still see J-B, even if we’re not singing in our own group anymore. I’d love to believe that one day we could be again, but… I know we probably won’t. One more heart ache.

Main Street wasn’t the only good thing in my life, but for a while it was one of the very best. I have memories that will be with me forever, and… I will get over this, eventually. Who knows, maybe I’ll start a new group again some time.

In the mean time, life goes on, right?

There are so many other great things in my life. On June 1st the Hubby and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary on a beach at a Sandals resort! We leave on Sunday, and I cannot WAIT. Sand, sun, kayaking, scuba diving… oh yeah, baby!

We’ll be gone for a week, and while I’ll schedule SHW as normal for Wednesday, I won’t be around to visit until I come back. There won’t be a GPM (guest post Monday) next week either, and think maybe I’ll put that on the back burner for the summer. J-B still owes me one, so maybe over the summer I’ll get that out of him :)

Looking forward to getting out and enjoying summer this year too! Maybe some camping, kayaking, hiking… and watching our new house being built! They haven’t even broken ground on it yet though, the weather has been so miserable this spring. Looks like we’ll be moving in after Christmas instead of before. Ah well. More time to think about colours and look at paint chips, yes?

Hope you have a wonderful week – I’ll think about you while I’m sipping exotic cocktails on the beach next week! Or, you know… not. ;)

Our waiter, Frank, took a decidedly unspectacular picture of us:

We had a lot of laughs, shared some lovely gifts, and had a wonderful time. All is right with the world…

A year ago today, four people met in a kitchen, unsure of how to get things started. They knew what they wanted, but didn’t really know how they were going to do it. They had no backup, and only a few sheets of paper to go by. It was a rocky start, and after waffling around a little bit, they all smiled at each other, but silently wondered if they were doing the right thing.

This evening, those same people will be dining together, celebrating their first “anniversary”.

What a difference a year makes! Soon after we came together as Main Street we welcomed Walt aboard, first only as a part time accompanist, and more recently as a fully-fledged part of the group. Walt also has a wonderful Baritone voice and now sings with us when we do a cappella (unaccompanied) songs, which is awesome. Guess what? That means we’re no longer a quartet! Now we just call ourselves a group and be done with it. We will always have our original “Core Four” who started things though, and of course that is what we’re celebrating tonight.

What else… Well, we have been to the recording studio not once, but twice! The first time was so exciting for us; a real dream come true! We have performed in concerts, benefits, been hired for street festivals and smaller events, and have more of the same already booked for the second half of this year! We have been honoured to entertain people young and old. We have worked hard to develop an amazingly large, diverse music library. Most importantly though, we have had a great time together, and formed a true family and a bond that none of us could have foreseen a year ago.

Happy Anniversary to the Core Four, and my best friends, ShaMoo, Knarf, and J-B. I love you guys more than I can express. Here’s to many more years, and many many adventures together!

Sensational Haiku Wednesday

Welcome to “Sensational Haiku Wednesday!”

Click here for info and background on this weekly event!

The basics:

Haiku is simple! It is 3 non-rhyming lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables respectively (a great way to use your fingers!)

This week’s theme is: Reflection

My submission for this week:

Tho’ not a full year
It feels longer, thinking back…
How far we have come!

Next week’s theme: Milestones

Note: Nothing makes me happier than to see new people getting “hooked on haiku”! Keep it going to make it to the Hooked on Haiku List

To participate in this week’s event, please use the following code in your post on your own blog (if you don’t have a blog, post your Haiku as a comment):

<a href="http://youknowthatblog.com/tag/haiku-wednesday"><img src="http://youknowthatblog.com/images/youknowthatblog-haiku.jpg" width="250" height="160" alt="Join the fun!" title="Join the fun!"></a>