Blogging started out for me, a little over a year ago now, as a way to get my writing energy focused into a specific medium. [...]]]> I just read a couple posts from a frustrated friend and fellow blogger that got me thinking about what I’m doing here (less and less lately as it stands) and why.

Blogging started out for me, a little over a year ago now, as a way to get my writing energy focused into a specific medium. That’s maybe too simplistic an explanation, but… meh. I have always enjoyed writing, and I kept a journal throughout my teenage years and into the early years of marriage, where it more or less fizzled out. The journaling, that is, not the marriage! Writing out your thoughts and feelings is therapeutic, and having others read those thoughts and respond to them is gratifying to say the least. Blogging is a wonderful way to express yourself and connect with people you’d otherwise never come across. Such a phenomenal way to expand your horizons, and prevent becoming narrow minded.

There is an ebb and flow to blogging, as I’ve come to realize. I’m experiencing, along with my friend and many others as well, an “ebb”. Less energy spent on writing, fewer readers/commenters… I’m not panicking though. I love my readers – many of whom I now consider friends – and I know they’ll be back when the mood strikes. It’s summer (except where Betty, Broot, and a few of my other Central and South American, Kiwi and Aussie friends are concerned) and “real” life has to come before anything else. I understand and plan to embrace that concept more fully over the next couple of months! Not only do my hubby and kids deserve my attention, but I deserve the chance to unwind and enjoy my life.

I’m not “taking a break” per se, and will still be posting as the mood strikes, but for the summer at least, the only thing I will promise to keep up on faithfully is our Sensational Haiku Wednesday. A well-rested blogger is a must. Otherwise you’re never sure what drivel you’ll end up reading… and I don’t want to cringe when I go back and read posts that I can’t “take back”. You’re welcome. ;)

Oh, I got an email from J-B yesterday! He and his wife are in Ireland, and unfortunately their weather has been dismal – cold and rain for the most part. However, they’re in the midst of a massive family reunion, and any time you get Irish and/or Scottish folks in a crowd (and they have plenty of both) things are bound to be… “spirited”. They are heading to Scotland in a few days for the second half of their vacation. I’m sure they’re having a wonderful time and we’ll get the full story when he returns in a few weeks. It was so great to get word from him though – we haven’t been apart for more than a week in almost a year… Knarf, ShaMoo and I miss him like crazy, and can’t wait for him to come home to us!!

My friends, I find that I’m on the verge of that drivel I mentioned earlier, so I’m going to end here, and go for a swim. Have an absolutely wonderful day!

We’re at just over 3 months now since I had PRK Laser eye surgery, can you believe it? What a ride it has been so far. The first week was pure, unadulterated hell, and I was in agony. The weeks after were a nightmare of [...]]]> I had a checkup appointment with the Lasik MD clinic today.

We’re at just over 3 months now since I had PRK Laser eye surgery, can you believe it? What a ride it has been so far. The first week was pure, unadulterated hell, and I was in agony. The weeks after were a nightmare of blurry vision, extremely dry eyes, inability to focus on ANYTHING, and, always in the back of my mind, the nagging feeling that I’d made the worst mistake of my entire life. This carried on for weeks. At the end of April I was at my wit’s end, and being very vocal about it at the Lasik offices. They referred me to a second surgeon – remember Dr. Dipstick? The therapy he prescribed meant another week of hell, this time with even worse vision, and stinging eye drops. I couldn’t drive and could barely focus well enough to see the huge monitor in front of me as I worked. Headache for a solid week. I was positive they were grasping at straws, knowing I was volatile, and simply trying to put off the inevitable detonation.

Colour me surprised then, when the week was up and I removed the contacts so I could drive myself to the clinic (30 mins away) and… *gasp* my world came into focus!

Dipstick though he certainly was, it seems he knew what he was doing! The contacts and drops (I guess) further healed and trained (?) my eyes to the point where it made a dramatic difference. You have no idea how relieved I have been since that day. My eyes continue to improve – slowly but surely. My left eye is now 20/20, and my right eye is 20/30 (not as good) due to the residual astigmatism that was not fully corrected. The doctor I saw today said that my vision has not yet stabilized, and further improvement is to be expected. Because I am left-eye-dominant, I’m not bothered at all by the weaker right eye, and I will NOT be having a “touch up” this summer. My choice, but I don’t see that it’s necessary if I’m happy with my vision. Another relief.

So have I changed my tune where PRK is concerned? As relieved as I am, and even though I can see quite well now after 3 months, NO, I haven’t changed my attitude towards it. I still maintain that had I been told the truth about what I was going to go through that first week and the weeks that followed, I probably would never have gone through with it. That kind of thing – that kind of trauma – stays with you, and it’s going to be a long time before I can get past it.

This morning as I was leaving the clinic I rode the elevator down with the mom of a patient who was at that very moment having PRK performed. She was animated as she told me how he’d taken the rest of the week off work, and was looking forward to seeing perfectly within a couple weeks.

Yeahhhh.

I did not enjoy watching the colour drain from her face as I gently explained to her that the next few weeks were almost assuredly not going to go as expected. They hadn’t told him about the kind of pain he was facing, minimizing it as they had with me. They hadn’t explained to him that driving at night would be painful and potentially dangerous due to extreme light sensitivity. They hadn’t told him that he might not be seeing very well for weeks or maybe even months. I left her with some suggestions on how to keep him more comfortable for his week from hell, shook my head, and told her good luck.

Wish I’d had someone to talk to about it when I started down this path.

Impromptu tickle fests with my sleepy-eyed kids on my giant king-size bed, a quiet moment with my husband, singing with my friends… little things.

I don’t need extravagant gifts, flowers, accolades or awards. I don’t need people pounding me on the back for doing what [...]]]> It really takes so little to make me happy. Really and truly.

Impromptu tickle fests with my sleepy-eyed kids on my giant king-size bed, a quiet moment with my husband, singing with my friends… little things.

I don’t need extravagant gifts, flowers, accolades or awards. I don’t need people pounding me on the back for doing what I’d be doing anyway, recognition or not.

No, it’s the little things that make me happy.

Things like having J-B, ShaMoo and Knarf participating in our weekly Haiku… You too, of course, but getting them involved was not an easy feat. I never thought I’d see the day when incredibly busy, poetry-shy ShaMoo would take a moment to count on her fingers and shoot some sweet thoughts my way. Really never thought J-B would ever start frequenting my blog, or write the gorgeous (and steamy) haiku he’s been coming up with lately. In fact, he [for whatever reason] makes a point of telling me just about every week that it’s not high on his priority list. Funny how he still manages to show up and leave something wonderful, though, isn’t it? I am pretty sure he enjoys and looks forward to it more than he’ll ever admit. Knarf – well, no surprises there. Knarf is a huge romantic, and his poetry reserves are bottomless. Plus he and ShaMoo have this incredibly funny rivalry going now, that pleases them both to no-end. Bottom line though, they all do this because they know it makes me happy. It pleases me to know that I’m worth spending a few moments on every week.

Today I cut a bouquet of lilacs for my kitchen table. What makes this such a wonderful and noteworthy thing for me is that this is the first time since I planted these lilacs that all three of them have bloomed. Two of them I planted 7 years ago, and another one 3 years ago. Every spring as all the trees start to bud and get ready to bloom, I wistfully inspect these 3 for any sign of flowering. The tiny one had a single bloom on it last year. I didn’t even cut it because it was so hard-won that I wanted it to last as long as possible! This year with our early spring, I was so excited when all three of them showed signs of flowering! The older ones now have tons of blooms, and the little one has a few. Just getting a light whiff of their heady scent makes my heart soar.

Little things.

What little things make your heart soar?

So I was on a bit of a drive today, dropping Sadie off to my friend Spendy for grooming, and found myself musing about [...]]]> I could have also called this post “What do you find sexy” but with all the steamy haiku lately, I figured I would behave a bit. Well, where titles are concerned, anyway.

So I was on a bit of a drive today, dropping Sadie off to my friend Spendy for grooming, and found myself musing about a number of things. I do that when I’m driving. (I don’t take notes though… that would be bad.)

I got to thinking about how different we all seem to be in terms of what we find attractive and desirable, and what turns us off. ShaMoo and I have conversations like this sometimes… it’s a girlfriend thing I guess. For example, ShaMoo finds Daniel Craig very dreamy, where he doesn’t do anything at all for me.

Oh sure, I get that he’s attractive… sorta. He’s just not my kind of attractive.

Should we break it down? Ok! :)

What do I find attractive about him?

• I like that he’s clean cut. Short hair is good. Long and shaggy is not.
• He has broad shoulders.
• Hands. He has nice, nice hands (google for some images, you’ll see what I mean).

What do I dislike?

• His eyes are “cold”. There’s no warmth there – no laugh lines to speak of. No “crinkles”.
• His “pretty, pouty” lips annoy me.
• So do his ears.
• He’s too “chiseled”.
• He’s younger than me. Such a turn off. (Obviously I will never be a cougar.)

Ok, so we’ve picked apart poor Daniel (Sorry, Daniel, nothing personal), but didn’t really get into the root of all of this. I guess I should just talk about what *I* find attractive in a man. Then you can share with me what you find attractive in a significant other. K? K.

For me, it’s less about the whole package, and more about the bits and pieces. And no, I’m not talking about THOSE bits. Well, not on my blog anyway. This isn’t about sex. It’s about magnetism. Attraction. They’re not the same thing, and one does not always need to lead to the other.

I have a real thing about hands. I like a man with a good sized hand. I have long fingers and strong hands, and for whatever reason, it’s important to me that a man’s hand be bigger than mine. I like well formed, well proportioned fingers (not stubby, thanks. Yuck.) and short, clean nails. Hands that you can tell, right away, are capable of working hard, yet being gentle. Not super rough, but not silky smooth, either. Women should have silky smooth hands, not guys. You can tell so much about a man just by looking at and touching his hands.

Back up a bit though. Looking at the man from a few feet away, what do I notice first? Well, I used to think I preferred brunette’s, but since I also dated a couple blondes, a black haired chap, and 3 redheads (and then married one of those red heads), I’m guessing hair colour isn’t a priority for me. It does matter that the hair is short though, and kept that way.

I notice laugh lines. I love a man who laughs with his whole being. If laughter doesn’t reach the eyes… well, something in there isn’t right. A man’s eyes need to have a twinkle in them – and it helps big time if I’m the one that they’re twinkling for.

Not a fan of “swarthy”. Really really not a fan of slick. Greek, Italian – only where salad dressing is concerned, thanks. Give me that clean cut, fresh faced Irish (or Scottish) guy any time.

Oh, and beards? Nope. I don’t like the feel of them. Glasses? Depends on the guy, and how well they chose the frames! I’m not real partial to bald, but I guess it’d depend on the man attached to the scalp…

I prefer a pair of jeans that fit properly, which is so important. Baggy jeans are just ugly. Too-tight jeans make me cringe. It takes time to find a pair of jeans that don’t wear you (as opposed to you wearing them), but a man who can do that AND rock a suit when called for is my cup of tea. My, my, my.

I loooove to watch men work. I like to study how they move, how they approach a problem and solve it, and see the end result. Very sexy stuff.

You’ll notice I didn’t get too descriptive about physiques… turns out it matters less to me than I thought it did. Or at least my preferences have changed since I was a nubile young thing. Being tall myself, I prefer a man who is taller than me, naturally. A flat belly, huge biceps and chiseled abs? Not so much, no. In fact, body builders make me a little queasy. Really, someone who is fairly fit and not overhanging his belt too much is A-OK. Healthy! Yeah, that’s the word.

When you get right down to it, while the immediate physical impression is important, what goes on after that, and the kind of man he turns out to be is far more attractive. Or not.

My ideal man is someone who:

• is capable of thinking on his feet.
• has a firm, authoritative handshake.
• has a really, really good sense of humour.
• doesn’t panic, or react badly to stress.
• is older than me in age, yet matches me in maturity. Whatever that means. ;)
• knows how to listen, and by that I mean actually hear and understand.
• can handle a bad situation with grace, and make good, solid decisions.
• is good with children (and animals), whether they’re his or not.
• is good with people, and interactions.
• is adaptable, and ready for anything.
• is capable of spontaneity.
• is romantic without being smarmy or suffocating.
• is chivalrous, and knows how to treat a lady.
• knows what needs to be done, and actually does it without hesitation, and without complaining.
• is capable of passion, and passionately capable.
• has intelligence and good common sense.
• takes pride in whatever job he’s doing, and won’t just settle for “good enough”.
• can put himself in someone else’s shoes, and see things from their side.
• can admit they were wrong, and own up to mistakes.
• will stand up and fight for what he knows is right.

Does a man with all of these traits even exist? Well, I think if he does, he would be next to impossible to find. Certainly unrealistic to expect.

I married a man who has many of those traits, but not all. He can’t rock a suit, for example. He doesn’t react well to stress. At all. But he is very capable of knowing and doing what needs to be done, and rarely complains about it. He’s tall, and has broad shoulders. Nice hands that are used to hard work. He’s dependable, solid, and a really nice guy. And he loves me. After all, it’s been 20 years and we’re still together.

So the whole point of this was really just an exercise in how we perceive other people, and specifically how we’re attracted to them.

What makes you sit up and take notice, Reader?

Is that a good thing, I wonder? My family and friends certainly know where they stand with me, but sometimes I think maybe I’m too much of an open book. Is a little mystery a good thing? “Familiarity breeds contempt” crosses my mind. I’m pretty sure those closest to me don’t need [...]]]> …telling it like it is.

Is that a good thing, I wonder? My family and friends certainly know where they stand with me, but sometimes I think maybe I’m too much of an open book. Is a little mystery a good thing? “Familiarity breeds contempt” crosses my mind. I’m pretty sure those closest to me don’t need to know everything that crosses my mind. They probably roll their eyes when I start going on about how I’m feeling about every little thing.

Most bloggers are the type to let it all hang out though, so I guess I’m in good company?! What do you think, dear readers? Do I share too much of myself without thinking it through?

Feeling a bit introspective today, as you can probably tell. I’ve made a bunch of changes in my life recently, and most of them are working out really well. My eye surgery… notsomuch. Yes I know you’re probably getting sick to death and bored to tears hearing about it. I’m sick of whining about it too! But… it’s all-consuming for me. Literally. I’m really struggling with it, and this past week has been especially trying. The contacts Dr. Dipstick thrust into my eyes on Monday have screwed me up beyond belief. I can see my monitor a tiny bit better (which isn’t saying much), but everything else – and I do mean everything – is distorted. I’m seeing double, which is just so much fun I can’t tell you. This morning I burst into tears in the middle of doing a mundane task, and sat there blubbering like a child for the better part of 10 minutes. So glad I was alone… didn’t need Wee One to witness my meltdown. I’m just so frustrated. It’s still too early to take any action (and thanks for all the comments, commiseration, and suggestions, but I really do need to wait) and they tell me things may yet get better. I really don’t think so, and suspect I’ll be going through the surgery again come August or September. I dread it.

On a lighter note, I had the group over for dinner and rehearsal on Wednesday. Everyone brought something, and it was awesome. It was so nice to have them here! Love them to pieces. We really have so much fun together, and J-B makes the best pork tenderloin on the planet. No, I’m serious. I have great recipes for tenderloin, but his blows mine out of the water. Best part? He shared the recipe with us! What a sweetheart. ShaMoo made fab grilled veggies, and Knarf brought enough sweets to fatten an army, including a dozen cannoli because ShaMoo gave him a strong hint earlier in the week (“Frank, I want cannolis!!”) J-B also brought a really nice bottle of wine, and Knarf brought a gorgeous bottle of ice wine, which we didn’t end up drinking, but will be having this week when we join our accompanist and his lovely wife at their place for our next rehearsal. Just so happens that his wife recently had a BIG birthday, and we want to mark the occasion!

We stood around the island in my kitchen and did our rehearsal, which was also fabulous. Definitely a night where we were all “in the zone”. Sublime.

Having these wonderful people in my life makes bad things like my eye issues easier to bear. They know that, but it bears repeating.

We found out on Friday that we’ve been hired to perform at a Street Festival in June – this is a big thing for us! Our largest paying gig to date! This one day festival gets literally thousands of visitors. We’re very excited. We have one next weekend too – a community carnival – in another city. I just love having things to look forward to!

Since I’ve arrived at a bright spot in an otherwise morose, disjointed post, I am going to hit publish and get on with my day. I hope yours is going well!

P.S. if you’re on Blogger, and find I’ve suddenly disappeared from your “followers”, don’t panic! I’m still following you, but I cleaned out my old, unused/unwanted Blogger profile. You’re now properly in my Google Reader is all. :)

Sensational Haiku Wednesday is [...]]]> Sorry if you tried to get to me earlier, we had a server issue. All fixed!

Sensational Haiku Wednesday is underway!

–Jenn

Yesterday, I finally got all my ducks in a row, and bullied no, coerced managed to get the Hubby [...]]]> Knarf is always going on about how great the hiking is along the trails he and Zack frequent. I’ve tried to make time to go with him, but it has just never panned out for whatever reason.

Yesterday, I finally got all my ducks in a row, and bullied no, coerced managed to get the Hubby to agree to go with me. So we packed the dog and Wee One up and off we went. Umm… I might have forgotten that Hubby broke his toe the other day. What a trooper!

Ok, Knarf was right – it was a gorgeous forest. Only… we managed to get lost within the first 20 minutes in the bush. We were trying to find the water falls that were in the middle of this forest, but we took the wrong trail. And then we took another wrong trail. And BOY was it muddy in some areas! We climbed over fallen trees and huge boulders to get around the biggest mud pits, but Sadie plowed right through, adding about 15lbs of mud to her coat in the process. Fortunately there were creeks to cross, and most of it was washed away…

All around us, the most delicate wildflowers were growing in abundance – how amazing that something that small and delicate could thrive in a dense forest, and push its way through inches of decaying leaves!

No matter though, we had a great time and managed to find our way back to where we were parked without too much trouble. Never did get to the falls, but I think we were on the right trail towards the end of our trek when Wee One started to complain that her legs were sooooo tiiiiired!

So we turned back. Next time we’ll have a better idea of where we’re going!

Sadie sure is getting old – she did really well, but I knew she’d pay for it later, and this morning I had to help her get her back end off the floor so she could use the potty (ok, the grass in the back yard).

I think the four of us from Main Street are going to hit the trails this coming week, with a kid or two in tow. What a hoot that will be!

There are two things I do as a stress reliever whilst I’m doing this stuff… and those are blogging (natch) and [...]]]> I work online – both of my businesses mean that I spend vast quantities of time sitting here in this chair, researching, assigning tasks, and wading through scads of email from clients, contractors, and employees.

There are two things I do as a stress reliever whilst I’m doing this stuff… and those are blogging (natch) and Facebook.

What I always, ALWAYS forget to do though, is check my blog email. I really don’t like to use my blog email – I really REALLY like getting comments, but I get enough email otherwise, so don’t think about it for blogging purposes. I realize not too many other people have this foible, so getting blog email isn’t an issue… but I have this mental block about it, and only check that account every so often.

SO, all this boils down to the fact that I have apologies to make. For missed deadlines, seemingly-ignored hails, and requests for things like site help, and guest posting.

Mea Culpa, my friends! I would never willingly ignore you!

I’m catching up (it’s been a couple weeks since last I checked… there are hundreds of emails in there) but will get it all done this week… and I’ll write a note to myself to keep checking it with the rest of my addresses. Maybe even tie a string on a digit. Whatever.