I hope that your stockings are filled with joy (those that aren’t already filled with, you know, feet), your table is filled with nothing but the most fabulous food, and you are surrounded only by those you love best.

From our house to yours, Merry Christmas!

You know, I’m not the kind of blogger who likes to air every speck of dirty laundry for all the world to see. I don’t like to read a consistently whiny writer, one who dwells on nonsense (like reality TV and those creepy Kardashians; I still can’t figure out why they’re famous) or one who sugar-coats everything, to have you believe they’re tra-la-la happily tripping through life in some sort of Martha Stewart dream world. I fall into the “realistic” category I think, and share that which I think can safely be shared, without waving my skivvies at you. You don’t need to know every minute detail of my usually boring, normal life.

I guess if you’re still around though, you like at least some of what I have to say, and that I say it how I see it. I do speak the same way as I write, as those of you who know me outside of the blog can attest. This is me.

As I write this, you can probably already sense that I’m melancholy. I’m sad. Feeling a bit lost.

I’m not looking forward to Christmas, either, and traditionally it has always been my favourite time of year. The sounds, the smells, the excitement… Not this year. Why is that? I should be thrilled – my shopping is done, and it was the easiest year for that I’ve ever experienced! I’m done with holiday singing gigs (with my big group) too, so I can relax for the rest of the year, and recuperate! Still… I just don’t feel it.

Oh, things aren’t all bad, don’t get me wrong! My kids and husband are fine, and healthy. Hubby has a good job. We’re in good shape financially, for once. My parents are fine. We have some terrific friends, including some we met only recently. So much to be grateful for!

I do miss my grandmother, who we lost in June, just shy of her 100th birthday. I keep “seeing” her lately, in other elderly ladies, and in sounds and sights that remind me of her. It’s not a crushing sadness, since she hadn’t really been there for a long time… it’s a quiet kind of ache. Feeling the loss.

One big blow that happened this year was the non-reunion of my beloved group; Main Street. I finally have had to come to terms with the fact that the group simply is not going to get back together again, as much as I had hoped that it would happen.

ShaMoo moved on with someone else quite a while back, and we knew that was the end of her involvement. I wish her well, and I really am happy she has found something that fits her so well.

Walt has had so much on his plate with ailing parents and a busy, hectic personal and professional life that we never really expected him to return to us, although I think if the conditions were right, he would have collaborated on a project or two just to be with us again. He felt the “goodness” of the group too, even if he couldn’t commit to it. Still a friend, and still around, so it’s all good.

Most recently though was the real heartbreak; when John (J-B) told me – gently – that he doesn’t see Main Street in his future anymore. It was the final thrust of the knife, and while I knew in my head that it was coming, the crushing heartbreak of it was a real surprise to me. We had lunch a few days ago, and he told me why it has to be so. I can’t discuss his reasons, but I respect them, and can’t fight him on it. He’s right, and there’s no fighting that. He knows that I love him dearly, and all in all, I’m content to continue to have him in my life as a very dear friend. It’s enough to know that he feels the same. If nothing else, Main Street brought me an absolutely wonderful friend, and a heart full of memories that I’ll cherish forever.

For now I have to give myself time to mourn the demise of Main Street. I will put it together again one day – I’m keeping the name, the music, and the domains. I’ll find other voices to give it life once more… even though it won’t be the same. It never could be.

Moving on…

The Teen has had a rough year. She’s been waffling on her direction, and is feeling a lot of pressure to make “THE DECISION” on what path to take. It’s not an easy decision, but as I keep reminding her, she doesn’t need to decide the whole rest of her life just yet. She’s young – just 17 – and all she needs to do is decide on a general direction. A footpath. The thing about directions and decisions? You can change your mind. You can alter course. As long as you keep moving and exploring your options, it’s all good. Just do your best, and that is all anyone can expect of you. Of course, when you’re 17… everything is so much bigger than it really is. I’m confident she’ll find her way when the time is right.

Wee One has had a terrific year, in contrast. We found a fantastic tutor in the spring to help her with basic things that she has fallen behind on due to her anxiety, and through this wonderful woman, she has found herself. How wonderful to see her blossoming! And such a relief, I can’t even begin to tell you. It’s showing in everything that she does as her confidence in herself grows.

Hubby and I had a semi-rough year last year, but I’m happy that we have refocused ourselves, and our marriage has gotten stronger. Every couple goes through ups and downs, and we’re no different. We had our 20th anniversary on June 1st this year, celebrated on the beach in Cuba. It was a wonderful vacation, and we found something again that had been dormant for a while. A spark? Yes, that’s probably the best description. We have made a point of getting away together every so often, even for just a day or two, and in doing so, we’ve found our way again. He’s a good man, and I’m a very lucky lady to have him.

We bought a new house in February, which is not yet built. In fact, we were supposed to move into it 3 days ago, but we’ve been pushed back twice so far, and now we likely won’t be into it until August of 2012! It has not been a good experience, by any stretch. This will probably be the very last “new build” we ever purchase, because I have hated the entire process from the get-go. At this point I don’t even care if we move into it or not – I’d be just as happy to sell the damn thing and move somewhere else. The only saving grace is that it has already made us a considerable amount of money as the prices continue to climb. But still… grrrr.

Yep, even though it’s not yet over, I’m looking forward to getting this year into my rear-view mirror. 2012 is a fresh year, and full of promise!

I could not for the life of me get to sleep last night. I almost made it shortly after midnight, but something jerked my mind awake, and that was it for me. I laid there listening to the Hubby breathe for close to 2 hours before I gave up and wandered to my office to flick this thing on again, and see what was happening while I should have been slumbering.

Posted a Facebook update, thinking it would go largely ignored at that time of night… and a weird thing happened.

(Names shortened to protect privacy as warranted! No “outing” people on my blog!)

I used to suffer from insomnia constantly and for years, but haven’t for a while now, until last night. It still takes me at least 30+ minutes to fall asleep, but at least I get there. Usually. What I found funny about last night was that it was mostly “Jenns” who responded! (Did our parents doom us to eternal sleeplessness in naming us??!!) C can’t actually be called an insomniac since she was still enjoying her day in her part of the world, but the rest of us were looking at the wee hours of the night. And Amanda and Mad Kane joined us too!

A sad club to be part of, but I gotta say, ladies, I’m glad you were there to keep me company!

 

I once had a Facebook amigo
Who posted and tweeted a huge flow
One day he ran dry
He looked up at the sky
And yelled “Hey… where did my whole adult life go?!!!”

Heehee… love you, Thom! XOXO

Yesterday the Hubby and I spent the day together and did some cross-border shopping in New York (state, not City). Didn’t buy much, but it was very nice to wander around and spend the time together.

When we got home, I found a lovely package in the mail from my Kiwi Soul Sister, Broot! What a sweetheart my friend is :) I had mentioned to her how much I loved her little origami dragons that she makes, and she said she’d send me one!

He arrived today with a lovely card, a couple packages of NZ themed stickers, and a fabulous story about the legend of Mauao. New Zealand history and folk lore is really fascinating!

Broot (of course I named him Broot!) immediately hopped up on my laptop keyboard, and because I use a usb keyboard instead, he has made it his permanent home. I think he looks rather good there, and he will be a wonderful daily reminder of my lovely friend so far away in NZ. Thanks Broot!!

Also, today is, of course, J-B’s big day – I’ve left him a note on our Brain Fart website, here… – please drop by and wish him a happy birthday, won’t you? He’s not a blogger as much as I’ve prodded him to share his wonderful stories, and he participates in our Haiku only to make me happy, (so he won’t be coming to visit, in other words) but he’s one of my best friends and I love him dearly!

Have a great day, everyone! See you tomorrow for a Freestyle Sensational Haiku Wednesday!