See, I get all of these grand/grandiose ideas, and throw myself into them whole-hog. This is what I thrive on! But… while I work best under pressure, it isn’t too long before I figure out that I’ve over-extended myself, and I don’t have the time to devote to my newest “great idea”, and it either dies off, or I let something else go. Or I work myself into such a state of exhaustion that other really important things start to crumble around me.

I’ve got this great idea for a new meme, but given that I often can’t find the time to even visit the 25 or so participants in our beloved Sensational Haiku meme, I at least know that starting a new one would be a bad idea. Too bad, though, because it’s a fun one…

Same thing happens to me with craft or recreational projects, actually. I never do anything half way, so I usually end up completely outfitting myself with everything I’d need to be a master at whatever it is that strikes my fancy, do it for a while, figure out I don’t have time, and then it sits there and eventually gets packed up and put in the storage room. Sometimes it’s years before I even look at it again! Ask my knitting machines… all 5 of them.

So what does that make me, exactly?

I do the same thing with websites. Brainfart hasn’t been touched in months (wasn’t specifically just for me, though). My very first website is 14 years old and hasn’t been touched in years, and is uuuuuuuglyyyy!

I started Polite Canada a few months back. Now, the premise of bringing Canadians back to our fabulous “polite, cheerful, classy” reputation is solid, but the follow-through? Notsomuch. I knew going in that I wouldn’t be able to devote a lot of time to it, so I made it a team effort, and recruited a handful of people to do specific tasks. Sounds ideal, right? Well, as excited as they were to jump on board, actually submitting content was another story, and except for Broot, Sher, and Wee One’s Grade 2 teacher (who sent me a great project, but it’s not going up just to be wasted), most of them ended up ignoring it. With no time to manage it properly, I didn’t chase them too hard though, and I take the blame for it going nowhere. So it’s on the back-burner, unfortunately, even though I still think it’s a great idea, and I believe in it fully.

Main Street? Well, that one broke my heart, but at least I know I did everything I possibly could to keep it together. I have a few ideas for putting another group together running around in my head, but it really is too soon for that. Need to give myself more time to grieve the passing of the first. Speaking of Main Street though, I’m having breakfast with J-B tomorrow, and I can’t wait! It’s been weeks since I saw him last! I’ll say “hi” for you, shall I?

I think I’ve finally figured out that sometimes things just don’t work out, and that starting something new when I don’t have the time is just plain counter productive. Maybe, at 39-plus-almost-6 years old, I’ve finally grown up. yeah, right.

So… what about you? Do you have a habit of biting off more than you can chew? How do you handle that?

I want to learn…

1. To crochet. Moreover, I hope I can find the time to spend doing it! There are so many cool things you can make with crochet that you can’t with knitting… and so many great tutorials out there too! Where to start, where to start…



2. To better manage my days. I’d like to blog more, and waste time less. I’d like to get all of my actual work done, and have time to spend “offline” with the family and in other pursuits more than I do now! Out with the chaos, in with the structure!

3. To eat properly. Well, to eat at all would be a start. Most of the time I forget to eat, and that throws the ol’ (and getting ol’er) bod into starvation mode, which is a) stupid b) really hard on the system and c) makes you gain weight, or at least not let you lose it. Past that though, I’d like to structure myself so that I remember to and find the time to eat regularly, and properly. Sad, aren’t I?

4. Some new recipes that the family will ALL love and appreciate, and that are healthy and good! Any suggestions? The hubby won’t eat: ham, steak, pork chops, or roast beef (unless cooked to death in a crock pot). The kids and I won’t eat tomatoes… unless they’re no longer recognizable as tomatoes. The Teen hates fish. Pasta makes me physically hurt, although I will eat it if I don’t have to go anywhere for the next few hours.

5. How to give a better massage. I give a great massage, but I tend to use my hands more than anything else, and as I get older, that becomes more difficult. My RMT uses his weight and the pressure of his arms and elbows and hands to work me over, and it seems a lot easier on him. We bought a massage table a few weeks ago actually, from Costco. Best. Thing. Ever!!!! I will not go into details on the many uses, but let’s just say we’re both benefiting greatly from having it. (Rooowrrrrrr!) Still, the resulting massages do not leave me in the shape that my RMT does, so I want to learn better technique! I may do some research and even take a class or two. A couples class would be AWESOME… wonder if I can find one!!


6. To let go of the past. Oh sure, I’m a fine one to give advice, but I’ve come to realize that I don’t listen to my own advice, and there are several things I just can’t let go of. It’s not good for me to hang onto old hurts, and revenge of any sort is rarely worth the hassle. I’m sure the few people involved in said hurts don’t give me a second thought anymore, so why am I allowing them to live rent-free in my head all this time? They’ve gotta go! Maybe I should have a purging ceremony!

7. How to make fire with nothing but sticks or stones. Seems like a cool skill to have! (maybe I’ll just buy a flint kit… haha)

8. To be happy with what I have. I have a lot. I’m not as much of a pack rat as I once was, but I still have too much. Maybe I should rephrase that to say “I need to declutter my life of unhealthy things, people, habits, etc., and then be happy with what’s left!” Years ago I found FlyLady.net and I just loved the structure she provided me. I “outgrew” her, but then over time lapsed into some bad habits again, so perhaps I’ll revisit my FlyBaby roots this year. Certainly can’t hurt!

9. To love Christmas again. That seems weird to be saying now that it’s all over, but you have no idea how “blah” this past Christmas was for us. My mother said the same thing – it has lost all the sparkle it used to have for us, and become nothing more than Greedmas. This is not what I want for my family. We need to do something to shake it up this year, but we’re not sure what. What kinds of (non-religious) things do you do with your family to celebrate the winter holidays? I’d love to hear your ideas!

10. To meditate. “Ohhhhhm…” It eludes me, but I know there is inner peace to be had.

11. More about my family history. I don’t have any grandparents left, and I don’t know where any of their papers went. There are bits and pieces here and there, but nothing in the way of a time line, or family tree. I’m considering joining Ancestry.com… but I just don’t want to spend the big bucks it costs to do it. I’m cheap, I guess… how much is a family’s history worth? My friend Sandi joined and shared the subscription with her sister, and they found out all kinds of amazing things about their ancestors. I know we’ve got some amazing characters in our family history – especially on my paternal grandfather’s side. I’d also like to delve into the Hubby’s side – I know next to nothing about them, and he doesn’t seem to care. That annoys the bejeebers out of me.

12. To levitate. Pretty sure it won’t happen, but a girl’s gotta have goals, yo! (Boy, I had no idea coming up with 12 things to learn would be so difficult!)

I wonder how many of these I’ll actually achieve this year? Guess we’ll find out together, yes?

I was thinking a little bit about the past year, and about the things that happened that changed things for me, for better or for worse.

So here are 11 things (in honour of 2011) that I learned that had an impact on me:

1. Whether a child is 7 or 17 (I have both), there are some battles that do NOT need to be waged. Sometimes letting them fall flat on their face is the only way they will learn. Just be supportive and listen as you help them up and dust them off.

2. Vegetables, even ones that people claim they hate, taste different/amazing when roasted @ 375°F for 25-30 mins with a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and a sprinkle of sea salt. Take that, fussy family! (p.s. we agree that we’ll never go back to steamed or microwaved, as this is the best thing EVER, and it means we all eat more veggies!) Try sweet potatoes (which are NOT yams) with regular potatoes and brussel sprouts (denser veggies like potatoes and brussel sprouts could be pre-cooked for a couple minutes in the microwave), whole garlic cloves, broccoli, cauliflower, big chunks of red onion, baby bok choy… anything! YUM!

3. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. If you don’t point out something that is wrong, it won’t get fixed. If you don’t like something, no one knows unless you tell them. Use your voice, and grow a backbone! (this is not new to me, but seems I repeated it ad nauseum this past year, so it needed to be said!)

4. The laundry (a.k.a. “Mount Washmore”) will still be there tomorrow, and the kids are growing older every day. Choose spending time with them whenever possible… as long as you have clean underwear.

5. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will either. Taking a few minutes every day to look after your skin, center yourself/remove yourself from the chaos, and eat properly, etc. is the best thing you can do for yourself. And if you’re ok, chances are the people around you will be the better for it too.

6. No matter how hard I try to hold a group of individuals together (Main Street), sometimes it just doesn’t work out. When that happens, I need to realize that I did my level best, and ultimately it was not meant to be. Nor was it my fault. Still grieving.

7. Marriages need to be nurtured, and it takes effort. No effort will most likely result, eventually, in no marriage. It’s worth spending quality time with your mate to strengthen the bonds and reaffirm the love.

8. Cerama bryte (ceramic/glass top oven cleaner) works AMAZINGLY on chrome, china, and all kinds of other surfaces! My gross looking old toaster with the discoloured metal and dull shell got the treatment on both the chrome and the black outer shell, and suddenly it looked brand new again! So did all the french white (and black) Corning Ware dishes and my beloved crock pot, all of which had metal scrape marks and dull surfaces on them – they’re all like new and sparkling again! Who knew? Amazing stuff.

9. Life is too short to put up with people you can’t stand, and I have no intention of doing it anymore. It’s not worth the aggravation and stress. From now on my family unit and our happiness together come first, and relatives and other certain people who want to cause trouble can think again. Look out, world!

10. Don’t start something you have no intention of continuing! (Refer to #3, and “grow a backbone”/learn to say NO) That can apply to many things, from personal to professional. What an empowering thought…

11. Kids need to learn how to do things, and they need chores. If they can reach the dials, they are capable of doing laundry! If they are taller than ME (hello, TEEN!) they can do anything I can do. Learning how to cook is #1 on the agenda for both my kids this year; I’ve been woefully neglecting their life skill training. Mwahahahaha…. >:)

My friends, I’d love to hear what you learned last year… care to share?

You know, I’m not the kind of blogger who likes to air every speck of dirty laundry for all the world to see. I don’t like to read a consistently whiny writer, one who dwells on nonsense (like reality TV and those creepy Kardashians; I still can’t figure out why they’re famous) or one who sugar-coats everything, to have you believe they’re tra-la-la happily tripping through life in some sort of Martha Stewart dream world. I fall into the “realistic” category I think, and share that which I think can safely be shared, without waving my skivvies at you. You don’t need to know every minute detail of my usually boring, normal life.

I guess if you’re still around though, you like at least some of what I have to say, and that I say it how I see it. I do speak the same way as I write, as those of you who know me outside of the blog can attest. This is me.

As I write this, you can probably already sense that I’m melancholy. I’m sad. Feeling a bit lost.

I’m not looking forward to Christmas, either, and traditionally it has always been my favourite time of year. The sounds, the smells, the excitement… Not this year. Why is that? I should be thrilled – my shopping is done, and it was the easiest year for that I’ve ever experienced! I’m done with holiday singing gigs (with my big group) too, so I can relax for the rest of the year, and recuperate! Still… I just don’t feel it.

Oh, things aren’t all bad, don’t get me wrong! My kids and husband are fine, and healthy. Hubby has a good job. We’re in good shape financially, for once. My parents are fine. We have some terrific friends, including some we met only recently. So much to be grateful for!

I do miss my grandmother, who we lost in June, just shy of her 100th birthday. I keep “seeing” her lately, in other elderly ladies, and in sounds and sights that remind me of her. It’s not a crushing sadness, since she hadn’t really been there for a long time… it’s a quiet kind of ache. Feeling the loss.

One big blow that happened this year was the non-reunion of my beloved group; Main Street. I finally have had to come to terms with the fact that the group simply is not going to get back together again, as much as I had hoped that it would happen.

ShaMoo moved on with someone else quite a while back, and we knew that was the end of her involvement. I wish her well, and I really am happy she has found something that fits her so well.

Walt has had so much on his plate with ailing parents and a busy, hectic personal and professional life that we never really expected him to return to us, although I think if the conditions were right, he would have collaborated on a project or two just to be with us again. He felt the “goodness” of the group too, even if he couldn’t commit to it. Still a friend, and still around, so it’s all good.

Most recently though was the real heartbreak; when John (J-B) told me – gently – that he doesn’t see Main Street in his future anymore. It was the final thrust of the knife, and while I knew in my head that it was coming, the crushing heartbreak of it was a real surprise to me. We had lunch a few days ago, and he told me why it has to be so. I can’t discuss his reasons, but I respect them, and can’t fight him on it. He’s right, and there’s no fighting that. He knows that I love him dearly, and all in all, I’m content to continue to have him in my life as a very dear friend. It’s enough to know that he feels the same. If nothing else, Main Street brought me an absolutely wonderful friend, and a heart full of memories that I’ll cherish forever.

For now I have to give myself time to mourn the demise of Main Street. I will put it together again one day – I’m keeping the name, the music, and the domains. I’ll find other voices to give it life once more… even though it won’t be the same. It never could be.

Moving on…

The Teen has had a rough year. She’s been waffling on her direction, and is feeling a lot of pressure to make “THE DECISION” on what path to take. It’s not an easy decision, but as I keep reminding her, she doesn’t need to decide the whole rest of her life just yet. She’s young – just 17 – and all she needs to do is decide on a general direction. A footpath. The thing about directions and decisions? You can change your mind. You can alter course. As long as you keep moving and exploring your options, it’s all good. Just do your best, and that is all anyone can expect of you. Of course, when you’re 17… everything is so much bigger than it really is. I’m confident she’ll find her way when the time is right.

Wee One has had a terrific year, in contrast. We found a fantastic tutor in the spring to help her with basic things that she has fallen behind on due to her anxiety, and through this wonderful woman, she has found herself. How wonderful to see her blossoming! And such a relief, I can’t even begin to tell you. It’s showing in everything that she does as her confidence in herself grows.

Hubby and I had a semi-rough year last year, but I’m happy that we have refocused ourselves, and our marriage has gotten stronger. Every couple goes through ups and downs, and we’re no different. We had our 20th anniversary on June 1st this year, celebrated on the beach in Cuba. It was a wonderful vacation, and we found something again that had been dormant for a while. A spark? Yes, that’s probably the best description. We have made a point of getting away together every so often, even for just a day or two, and in doing so, we’ve found our way again. He’s a good man, and I’m a very lucky lady to have him.

We bought a new house in February, which is not yet built. In fact, we were supposed to move into it 3 days ago, but we’ve been pushed back twice so far, and now we likely won’t be into it until August of 2012! It has not been a good experience, by any stretch. This will probably be the very last “new build” we ever purchase, because I have hated the entire process from the get-go. At this point I don’t even care if we move into it or not – I’d be just as happy to sell the damn thing and move somewhere else. The only saving grace is that it has already made us a considerable amount of money as the prices continue to climb. But still… grrrr.

Yep, even though it’s not yet over, I’m looking forward to getting this year into my rear-view mirror. 2012 is a fresh year, and full of promise!

I could not for the life of me get to sleep last night. I almost made it shortly after midnight, but something jerked my mind awake, and that was it for me. I laid there listening to the Hubby breathe for close to 2 hours before I gave up and wandered to my office to flick this thing on again, and see what was happening while I should have been slumbering.

Posted a Facebook update, thinking it would go largely ignored at that time of night… and a weird thing happened.

(Names shortened to protect privacy as warranted! No “outing” people on my blog!)

I used to suffer from insomnia constantly and for years, but haven’t for a while now, until last night. It still takes me at least 30+ minutes to fall asleep, but at least I get there. Usually. What I found funny about last night was that it was mostly “Jenns” who responded! (Did our parents doom us to eternal sleeplessness in naming us??!!) C can’t actually be called an insomniac since she was still enjoying her day in her part of the world, but the rest of us were looking at the wee hours of the night. And Amanda and Mad Kane joined us too!

A sad club to be part of, but I gotta say, ladies, I’m glad you were there to keep me company!